Monday, 3 April 2017

Relief

There has been a reason for my semi-silence over the last few months, a really good reason. I hinted at it in my last post, that I couldn't say what the problem was, but when I could, I would let rip and leave nothing unsaid. And now, today? It's finally over and I don't want to. Not any more. I'm going to be the bigger person here and rise above it.

The hell that my life has been for the last two years, is over. That another human being could knowingly put someone through this, is beyond me. That someone could show such a distinct lack of consideration to someone who would never dream of treating them, or anyone else in that way. When they know what they're doing to you, because they've been told to their face how shit they're making you feel, it's incomprehensible. I could tell you things, I could show you things, that would make any right thinking person's toes curl. When over a quarter of the year has gone and you're stuck in limbo, waiting for the clock on your life to restart again. Feeling bullied and intimidated. Feeling like a prisoner trapped in your own home. Wanting to just pack your bags and move away. And then. And then being made to feel like you're in the wrong for having the audacity to say 'What you're doing is wrong. This is unacceptable. Stop it, now.'

And so, today, there's no champagne on ice, there's no bunting out. It's a very hollow victory, and I'm not celebrating it. What I am doing today is exhaling. Finally letting go of that breath that I've been holding in for so long, and breathing a huge sigh of relief. Go and be someone else's problem now. You've already wasted more than enough of my precious time.

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